What it look like folk. Its ya boy the internets favorite square, Steez, back at y'all with these here chronicles. Its a dreary day here in the City of Brotherly Thugs. Has ya host in a very contemplative mood. I caught a lot of flack for my last two blogs. Even a couple requests to remove them. No dice. These are my thoughts and my feelings. If you don't like them don't read them. But enough about that, let's get to bidness, shall we.....
As I said I am feeling really contemplative in the wake of what has happened between Butterbear and I. I started thinking about love vs hate vs indifference. I realized that after 27 years love is the word I have used the most, but ultimately the one I understand the least. Whether genuine or used as a flattery, love is the ultimate hyperbole. I realized that I have said that I loved people, things, and places that I knew that I didn't. Why? I don't know. I am currently examining two instances where love is constantly drawing me towards someone, and also where love is pushing me away from someone else. In both instances the love, while largely unspoken, is genuine.
I was trying to examine why we build prison houses such as these for ourselves. Then we have to slap words such as "unconditional" "endless" or "undying" on them to validate them, and also as an excuse to never really show love or express it in any meaningful way. I was discussing with a friend of mine of why saying "I love you" is important. She didn't believe that it is. And I dig it. Its not, not if you have other ways of conveying the emotion. But then I thought, how often is it that we say that knowing its a lie. I admit to doing that quite often. I have relationships where those words are as hollow as "God Bless You". Am I wrong for saying it? Maybe. But it is that which it is.
I have also realized that with the excetion of one person, the people I love the most, are the people I say it to the least. I actually can recall only one time that my grandmother told me she loved me. I was a teen and she was in a hospital bed. I truly believe that she thought she was going to die, and felt the need to tell me that. I hear it all the time whenever I think of her. Of all the times people have told me that, that is the one that is most special to me.
When its all said and done I'm no closer to understanding love, or even knowing how to properly express it. I guess it will be a lifelong journey, maybe I will get tired of searching who knows. But to all those I never told, I love you.
I'm out
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