Thursday, October 29, 2009

Daddy Did It

What it look like folk? Its that square Steez back at ya with the chronicles. Today is a brisk Thursday morning. I'm a little hungover, which caused me to miss my train and be more than a little late for work. But its all to the good. Let's get to the bidness at hand....shall we?

So since Butterbear and I have decided to stop wasting each others time, we have had more than a couple arguments(with the police being called twice). A recurring theme has been the children. Moreover she repeatedly has told me that she has a deeper bond with the kids than I do? To that I say...GTFOH!!! I guess she's trying to convince herself. Either that or she is rehearsing for family court. Either way its bullshit and she knows it.

This is a prevalent thought especially in the black community. We are a maternal society, for obvious reasons. But don't get it confused ladies, just because you shit out a couple kids doesn't make you Claire Huxtable. There are a lot of half assed or no assed dads out there I know. But there is an equal amount of half assed moms. What women like Butterbear need to understand is that the bond from a father is miles away from where a bond with a mother should be.

Of my four children, three of their first word were da-da(daddy) for whatever reason. I'm extremely close with my kids. But I realize that a lot of men in my age bracket aren't. Something else I realize is that fathers(present or not) are typically blamed for any and all shortcomings a person have, and rarely given credit for success. Peep Dear Mama by Tupac....his mother was a crackhead, and he had nothing but love for her. Even though her being a crackhead probably contributed to the hardships he rapped about in that song, he still took time to shit on his father(who wasn't around) in that song and several others.

As black people we have been conditioned to devalue the importance of men in general and fathers in particular. Some of this is warranted. Because as I stated there are a lot of half assed daddies. But each day there are men like me that wan their children to have the father figure that they never had. And for any woman(my wife included) to try to strip that is not only stupid, but dangerous. So miss me with that bonding shit, when you ain't waking up on the weeken to feed your kids, you ain't feeding them properly among other things. You ain't a mother at that point...you're just the hole they came through.

I'm out

Friday, October 16, 2009

Mama Told Me There'd Be Days Like This

*sigh*
What it look like folk? Its that square guy Steez back at y'all with some of these chronicles. I'm fittin to get right to it as I'm not in the mood to fuck around today. Shall we?

Well my marriage is essentially over. Among other problems(some that I have written about on this very blog) Butterbear caught me out there fuckin around. The story is the same as you've heard from several young black people you know. Girl suspects something, girl goes through boys shit, girl finds out about other girl, shit hits fan. That happened like 3 weeks ago or two. I don't know. In any event she doesn't want me anymore and I have finally gotten the out that I've been looking for for the past few years, or was I?

As I write this I am trying my damndest to stay objective and not trash her. But at the same time this is MY blog, not a Boyz II Men song. Feel me? When its all said and done we both fell short of what we should have been. And while her missteps aren't as openly egregious as mine, they hold no less weight. Basically saying, if we stated that the rules were to be one way, and she circumventented them for her own game isn't that "cheating". Word game? Maybe.

I wrote a blog some months ago questioning whether we were ready to be married when we jumped the broom almost 7 years ago. I came to the summation that we(or at least I) wasnt/weren't. Over the past few days my wife has sounded like a Mary J song mixed with a lifetime movie. Fuck that. All that "I just want my family and my life back, but YOU ruined it" she even had the nerve a week ago to say she wants her freedom. WHAT?!?!?!? Not to be callous but isn't she the one who went through my personal belongings like I was a prison inmate. FOH.

In short, as a man I acknowledge any and all wrongdoing. I take responsibility for my actions. I was wrong for stepping out. I was wrong for being decietful to the woman I vowed to be honest with. But most of all I was wrong for being shortsighted enough that I failed to realize that to HER marriage was the destination and not the beginning of the journey. And lastly I was wrong for not listening to my mother.....

I'm out