Getting Off Your Own Dick

Its so cooooooold in the P!!!!! What it look like folk? Its ya main square back again with these here chronicles. Old man winter has finally laid his kiss on Philadelphia. We have our 1st real snow of the winter. I took the above picture right before I walked into work. Schools are closed and I can wager a lot of people won't be in to work today. My job is way out in like suburban Philly and its a bitch to get here. The african dude isn't here today. So that has me reconsidering making the journey up here today. Cause for those of y'all that have worked with or around Africans....you KNOW its fucked up when the African dude ain't there. But, nonetheless we still have some bidness to get down to. Shall we?

As you can see, todays topic is getting off your own proverbial dick. I say proverbial to make it clear that this is not just a problem dealing with men. I have a couple of instances that I experienced recently that made me want to address this.

As readers of the blog know, I was recently at my brother in laws wedding. What I didn't touch was the interactions I saw involving my wifes family. The majority of the people there for my wifes brother were from his fathers side of the family. But that's where it gets tricky. My wife and her brother are the only children by their dad that have the same mother. Now keep in mind, this nigga has 5 children from like 4 different women. All of these children pretty much hate the dad. All for different reasons, but mostly cause the muthafucka wasn't around. The oldest of the children was one of the groomsmen. But I noticed in the program that his name was hyphenated. My wifes maiden name first, followed by another name. Now, I knew that his mother had been remarried so I didn't pay this any mind.

Fast forward to the events after the wedding ceremony(I say events because there was no reception...I'm still pissed about that). I fell within earshot of a convo between my wifes father and his oldest son. Seems daddy dearest is mad that his son took on another mans name. I laughed to myself having heard several accounts of the fathers wrongdoings, I found the exchange highly amusing.

Dad: I see you changed you're name. Why?
Son: because that's who I am
Dad: no really you're not.
Son: well in my mind and how I see it this is who I am

This was followed by the son just walking away. Then I got to thinking, who the fuck was this dude to question his son about anything? Here he was around all of his children(except 1) and none of them are paying him any attention. Beset on all sides by grandchildren(many of whom he was seeing for the first time) his failures shining brightly in his face, and this nigga had the audacity to feel some kind of way about his kids turning their back on him? Get off your own dick nigga. Sidenote: later on the father and his brother(who is on his own dick as well) were sitting within earshot of my wife and I trying to figure out what my wifes married name is. Ain't that some sad shit? 1 that he didn't know, and 2 that his relationship with his daughter isn't strong enough for him to ask. Eventually my wifes aunt(one of the few people inthis familial equation with sense) asked my wife our family name. Sheeeesh....people.

Now onto a female being on her own dick. Before I start I will say, women rarely get on that tip, unless its over a nigga. as is the case in this other example. Now, this one takes place in my job. Here where I work there are a lot of interoffice romances, affairs, an jumpoffs. Anywho, this girl was dating this guy, things went south, they broke up. Dude decides he wants to holla at this other chick, and promptly puts his bid in. He didn't get too far with the new chick so he decides to go back to the old chick. Now the old girlfriend is walking around with her peacock feathers spread out like she won the prize. Not knowing that the other chick wasn't really interested in dude like that anyway. So in reality YOU look like the fool for trying to stunt on the chick, why? Cause he's STILL tryna holla. If you got off your dick for a second you would see that. Now this is 2 fold though cause dude was on his dick somewhat thinking he was gonna slide his way from one set of draws to the next. But I guess he had to try, right?

Well there we have it folk. Just fall back a little and try to see things from the next mans angle. See why you AIN'T the shit, and you'll find out why you are. Ya dig? Also before I go I want to shout out some folk that been spreading word about The 925 Chronicles. First and foremost my muse...the battery in my back, my wife Quiana aka Butterbear. Also shout out to my mom, even though I'm embarrassed she reads this with all the foul language. Shout out to Tis(check his blog out http://www.scienceofmagnetic.blogspot.com/), Rick aka Monsta Don(blog coming soon), Mel, Nakia aka Sunny aka Whistles(where the blog at son!?!?), and last but not least the homegirl Tee. Aiiight y'all, I'm out.

Men Losing Interest After Sex

What it look like folk? Its ya main square Steez back at ya with some more of the Chronicles. It's a lovely day here in The City of Brotherly Thugs. A bit on the cold side, and the natives are still a little pissed that the Eagles lost. But besides that, its all to the good. So, with that, I think its time to get down to bidness......Shall we?

After a positive response for my Understanding Hoodrats(which I considered to be a heads up for my brethren out there), I decided to do a lil somethin for the ladies. I didn't really know what though. So yesterday a story from this chick at my workplace, about ANOTHER chick at my workplace fell kindly on my ears. Long story short chick b fucked some dude and now he's "acting funny". Of course the womens minds went straight towards him having another female(I know this guy, and that is a very real possibility). But why is that the ONLY possibility? Are women that vain that all problems that arise after intimacy must be some shit with the guy? As a disclaimer, most times they are. But I'm about to break it down to y'all. Some other reasons why your dude is "acting funny" after you gave up the ass. So here it goes......

1. Sex is all he wanted from you. This is the most common reason. Contrary to popular opinion sex is not a sport. Niggas don't want to win the same trophy over and over again. A main that is after the pussy is easily identified, in that he will most likely bring up sex in a very early conversation. This is indication that he wants to get it done quickly and move on ideally.

2. He was disappointed with you sexually. Ladies I know this is a bitter pill to swallow, but all pussy is not good. For various reasons. Too dry, too loose, not knowing how to throw it back...the list is long. But y'all need to check that shit. Just like y'all will dip out on us for being too small or too quick the same can happen to you. Also, this can be directly related to #1. As, a lot of you women, eager for attention will engage in early sex talks, which inevitably turns to shit talking, and both of you end up saying you're gonna do some shit you know you wont/can't do.

3. Fucking you made him feel "pimpish". Now, if you're a pretty aiiiight looking chick(I'm talking 7.5 or better...mud ducks skip to #4) and this guy was able to hit it expending little to no resources, and maybe even got something out of you in the process food, goods, or services. There is a good chance he is feeling pimpish and wants to exercise his pimphand elsewhere. Now in most instances dude is far from a pimp or a mack. So his endevour will undoubtedly fail. If you bide your time he will be back soon enough and thirstier than ever.

4. You are more trouble than its worth. This is mostly applicable to the hoodrats. Think back to your sexual encounter and the events surrounding it? Did your baby father call and threaten your life before or after? Did your children walk in in the middle asking for oodles and noodles and some juice? Did you request that the man stop past your brothers spot for some weed and the foodstamp card? Basically, did you cause the man any unecessary headache? Most men value sanity over sex. Watch yourself.

5. You showed your slutty side too soon. To be clear, yes men like a chick that's down for pretty much anything. But you must also be cognizant of some things when it comes to that first sexual encounter. I know you guys hit the sack with something to prove or maybe hopes of having him "sprung" but once that hoe card is played it trumps all others. Meaning, you can't suck him off, lick his ass, take it in the butt, AND swallow the nut all in the first shot. You gotta take it one step at a time. And the earlier the sexual encounter is in your relationship is, the slower you gotta take it. Ya dig?

Well grasshoppers that's all I have for you guys today. Thanks for reading and use this stuff wisely.

*I'm Steez. And I approved this message*

Its not always about you!!!

What it look like folk. Its ya main square Steez, back with another entry in the 925 Chronicles. I'm a little hungover right now so let's get straight to bidness shall we?

Niggas are strange creatures. Throughout history black americans have mastered the premise of living AND thriving under the radar of the mainstream and the powers that be. What was once a necessity, over time became a preference. But here in 2009, niggas are working hard to ruin that. I guess the thought is, with so many prominent african americans, and now with the impending Obama presidency, we ARE the powers that be. Now I'm not blaming the political climate for this phenomenon. Niggas been moving toward this attention whoring for years. but this shit is at an all time high now.

It came to my attention a couple days ago that everyones favorite attention whore, Jay Z, is having a concert on 1/19/2009. Yup, the day before the inauguration. In Washington D.C. no less!!! Now rumor has it that Jay felt slighted because he wasn't included in the concert that is happening on the 20th. But I don't do rumors so whatever. But in any event, why do anything in D.C. the day before. Reports say that they are expecting anywhere from 2 million to 4 million people in the area. Which means niggas will be tight. And when niggas get tight bullshit can and usually will happen. Basically, we are one scuffed timberland away from some wild shit popping off, tarnishing this historic event. And now this selfish nigga is throwing a rap concert into the mix. Oh and did I mention tickets range between 100 and 500 dollars? The fuck is that about? This nigga wants you to pay him to hijack your attention. WHY!?!

I'll tell you why, to be seen. To steal some shine. This isn't just about Jay Z. But niggas in general have gotten too brazen with attention whoring. Now, showing off is something we've always done. But we used to be fly and smooth about it. Now? Niggas is on some other shit. They will take any and every opportunity to be the center of attention. At the movies, on the bus, in mcdonalds, in church, fuck it even at funerals. Everywhere you go you are pretty much bound to run into a nigga with a "look at me" mentality. Its cool to pat yourself on the back, but muthafucka don't try to force ME to pat your back too. If you're fly people will take notice. If they don't? Fuck it you're still fly. You can't force that shit on people though. That will only breed contempt. For instance all these clown rappers that rock all the ice. Everytime you turn around one of them clown niggas has been relieved of all that flashy shit.

A lot of this comes from niggas not being comfortable with who they are and what they're doing in the first place. Take for instance all the gay people popping up now. I'm not talking about the people like Ellen Degeneres. I'm talkin about a lot of the people walking the streets. The ones that seem more interested in proving to YOU that the are comfortable with being gay, than they are with living life. So what you get are sweet dudes wearing microbraids and chicks looking like Snoop from the wire. Not knowing that its things like that that make straight people angry at the gay community. Or maybe they just don't care.

What I'm saying is being an individual and collecting accolades as an individual is cool. But you also have to consider how yor actions as an inividual will reflect on whatever group or cause that you are a part of. Its not always about you. It can't be. And if it was, you would probably run away looking for someone else to hide behind. Ya dig?

I'm out.

Understanding Hoodrats

Greetings readers. What it look like folk? Its been pretty slow motion for ya favorite square. I attended my brother in laws wedding on saturday. It was this ceremony that prompted me to post on the topic of understanding hoodrats. So let's get to bidness. Shall we?

As I said I spent my saturday afternoon in a church surrounded by hoodrats. The most prominent of which was the bride to be. That's right family my brother in law wifed up a hoodrat. It was a sad state of affairs. But this ratted out affair gave me pause. What was there to learn, and more importantly how can we prevent more fiascos like this. So here I am with some popular hoodrat phrases and how you squares out there can sidestep the advances of any rats that might be around you. So without further adieu I present my Guide To Understanding Hoodrats.

1. Hoodrats will try to confuse you with a phrase like "I'm just going through some things right now". Be sharp. Whatever she is going through is of no concern to you. And quite frankly your knowledge of said problems will likely have you knee deep in hoodrat shit I.E. baby daddy issues, friends and/or family members in prison. Ignore a rat that says this to you. Change the topic or end said conversation immediately.

2. Many of you will ignore rule #1. Which will lead to conflict with your hood rat. During this time she will inevitably find a reason to say "I'm grown". This proclamation will most likely be followed by actions that are either idiotic, immoral, or illegal. Whatever the case...get far away from the hoodrat in question as whatever she does will likely end up in your imprisonment or death.

3. Antother phrase to steer clear of is "you don't pay my bills". This is tricky because in most cases SHE doesn't pay her bills either. Never engage in financial arguments with hoodrats as, she is really trying to gauge how much money you have and how much you will be willing to part with.

4. Never, I repeat, NEVER take the side of a hoodrat in a dispute with another nigga. You don't know what the hell she did to set him off. Your involvment will only result in one of your dumb asses going to prison. Also when a hoodrat claims she is being stalked, discontinue all contact with her. That nigga is crazy and she is telling him some bullshit about you.

5. Do not try to educate a hoodrat. If your as smart as you think you are you wouldn't be fuckin with ratted out broads.

6. Do not debate with hoodrats. The cirecular logic of the average rat has been known to cause nosebleeds. Beware, a hoodrat reading a book, or watching some quasi intellectual film like The DaVinci Code is on the prowl for a dumb nigga to argue with. You've been warned.

7. To understand hoodrats, one must observe them. Many of you reading this are probably like me, working every day around dozens of hoodrats. They are easily identified by their skinny jeans and visible thongs, psuedo knowledge of high end fashion(even though while they are talking about couture louis v, she is most likely wearing a baby t from old navy and knockoff 7 jeans...do not be fooled).

Well brethren I think that is enough to get you started. Just remember to keep your eyes peeled, wallet closed, and your pants up. You can avoid the cape store and do not have to be standing in front of a preacher with keysha cole "Love" blaring through the speaker while your hoodrat sways her head to the sound of your cape flapping gently in the breeze. So now you know....and knowing is half the battle.

I'm out.

The Recession, The Bailout, and The Muthafuckin Toothfairy

What it look like folk? I can't call it with a phone card. Its ya homie Steez back with another installment of the 925 Chronicles. Now let's get to the bidness at hand shall we?

Todays entry finds your host somewhat stressed. As y'all know the economy is in the toilet. I just saw that the porn industry asked for a bailout. Lol can you believe that shit? Larry Flint got some balls on him man. Anywho, I'm sure most of the people reading this are feeling the crunch in one area or another. Even tho gas is down, food is still as high as ever. What the fuck is that about? So that's where I come in. Now, my home finances are somewhat stable even if they are somewhat meager. After bills and er'thang I typically have enough to buy a dvd or video game, and if I'm lucky a 5th of liquor. But bottom line shit is taken care of.

Until recently, when I was blindsided by a bill I didn't even know I had. As usual my first thought was to dispute the shit. Ya know? To no avail the first payment loomed close. And to keep peace with the wife I paid it on time. And put a lil more on it than I wanted to. But I knew once I made the payment I would be sucked in until it was paid off. I work in billing, so I know how that shit is.

Thing is, I got 4 kids to take care of. And with the xmas season just gone I said fuck it and blew off my last payment. Then the other day my wife text me and told me the next payment is due. Now between xmas and the birthdays of my children(1 in december, 2 in january) plus my wifes bday(also in january) what is a square to do?I GOTTA pay this shit. The bill I'm talkin about friends is this Tooth Fairy shit. I'm behind on my tooth fairy payments. With another tooth loose!!!! I need some help family.

I know a lot of people don't do the toothfairy anymore. But what can I say? I'm a sqare. So for all you reading this that are square like me I want to ask President Obama for a Tooth Fairy industry bailout. This bitch has to be stopped. She's worse than AIG and Lehman. Worse than the automotive industry. So what I'm asking for is an overhaul of operations. Each household gets $40 per kid. I would get $160 in a tooth fairy fund. That would cover every tooth that this broad got me owing on for all of my kids. Or at least provide money for some calcium pills to keep these shits in there a little longer. DAMN!!!

So....who's wit me?

Tryna Make it in a Stupid World

This dumb shit can be found directly across from the Frankford Terminal in Philadelphia....stay tuned for more stupidity.

New Year, Old Niggas Out My Life

What it look like folk? It's a new year I hope all y'all got big things poppin for '09, I know I do.
Now onto bidness. Even though I have a lot planned and high hopes for the new year, I opened up 2009 with a heavy heart. A few days before the ball dropped I began mourning the loss of an old friend. This young lady had been one of my closest friends for over a decade. Sadly for the last two years she was stricken with a deadly disease. It hurt like a muhfucka to watch this disease eat away at her, until she was just a caricature of the chick I loved like a sister for the last 12 years.

The saddest part of all though, is that she is very much alive, and for as far as I know pretty healthy. But she HAS been stricken with an acute case of Niggerdom. Now before I go on, please understand that Niggerdom can strike all races and ages. This particular ailment severly distorts ones perception. I'll tell y'all how it went down before I'm out of here(the story is more like a saga so I won't put it all here..)

Basically, as you can say in my profile I live in Philly but am originally from Pittsburgh. I moved to the City of Brotherly Love(or is it Thugs? Forreal these dudes are crazy as hell out here) to be with my wife and start my family. Well much to the dismay of a lot of my Steel City fam I had to pretty much leave niggas behind. Somewhat because of the distance but mostly out of necessity. See you can't have your mind on working and raising kids AND be hangin with your weed head homies, unless you yourself is a weedhead and would like a weedhead family. The opposite is also true. Anywho, this broad really couldn't grasp that concept. Now since I had love for her I tolerated a lot of shit I wouldn't have otherwise. But the divide between us got really wide about this time last year when out of anger at me not coming home for the holidays she spoke out of turn about my wife. It was at that moment that our relationship changed.

See over the course of my 5 year absence from my home town she took to hanging with, and being penetrated by some of the most low down niggas in her hood. These niggas had broads in her house that her grandad gave her. Wrecked her mothers car. Pulled guns on her. Gone upside her head....well y'all get the picture. And like every hoodrat she accepted it and adapted. Note: when I left she was in college, with a car, apartment, and good job. Now she's been unemployed for about 9 months, with a suspended license, and most likely will never return to college. Well somehow she has gotten it in her head that I'm "stuck up" because I don't approve of her moving every drug dealer with a hard shaft and smooth tongue into her house. It was too late my friends. The niggerdom had become terminal right under my nose. I had to pull the plug.

Last week I walked away from a friend I've had for almost half my life. I had to do it. And you shouldn't hesitate to do the same. Fuck dumb niggas. Shut em down and move on.

Well I'm out readers....I know this was long but I had to get that off my pectoral. Sorry for starting off on such a somber note. But thanks for reading. Oh and I wanna shout out my brother Todd aka Dunndada he over in Iraq....see you soon bruh. I'm out.