What it look like folk? Its ya boy Steez...your favorite square back with some more of these chronicles. The temperature here in the City of Brotherly Thugs...my bad..I mean Love, is dropping. No snow yet...good thing...I'm still sore from all the shoveling I did last winter. But I'm sure its coming. Whatever. But I'm gonna get right on to bidness...Shall we?!?!?!
I'm in a very contemplative mood right now. The past few days I've been thinking about marriage. Not just mine for once. But I have realized that a lot of young people have been getting married. Not just young people, but young black people especially. The majority of them have one thing in common. They are fucked up. For whatever reason I know a lot of people 30 and under that are either divorced, or on the urge of it. What the fuck is that about? I've asked a lot of people and the answer has pretty much been the same among all of them. But I still think I'm gonna dissect it a little more here. *This is for you Bosslady82...hope I can answer some questions that I couldn't yesterday*.
First I want to examine the mentality of young black men. This is the easiest since I am a young black man. I know a large factor of me deciding to get married was the fact that I grew up without a father. Now, my mother never outwardly trashed my father. But throughout life, my mother became the template for all virtues in women...so the antithesis of that(my father) had to be all the bad things that could be represented in a man. This may or may not have been true. But it was this mentality that made me decide early on that I wanted to be NOTHING like my father. So when the time came...I found a broad that I liked...she got pregnant...so to be the opposite of that which I taught myself to despise...I got married. As I sit here typing this, I am not living in the same house as my children, and my marriage is over in every way other than legally. I see that I made a terrible mistake based on a half truth. Granted, all accounts show that my father is and was an asshole...I can't help but think what my children will think about me...will they ever truly understand the circumstances that made me leave. Will they care? Only time will tell...
Next, I want to speak on the mentality of black youth. Day in and day out as a black person in America, you are constantly told what you can, can't, will, won't, should, or shouldn't do. And as evidenced in our rap music, saggy pants, and backwards hats, our response has always been a resounding "fuck you". Throughout the late 80's, the entire 90's, and early 2000's we have been told that we are little more than baby mamas and baby daddies. And in more extreme cases we are bucks and breeders. I think there is a subconscious desire to remove those stigmas. I can also attest to this. I looked at my situation as "different", even though it was very much the same. I was a young, undereducated, underprivledged, black male from a single parent home. Can you say "cyclical"?
Also, I'd like to examine the "fantasy". As black people we tend to romanticize a lot of things. I have noticed that a lot of our young people tend to be in love with the idea of being in love. I don't know if we have misunderstood the meaning of love. Or if we have listened to a few too many Mary J. Blige songs. But this shit has gotten really extreme. I would say that things need to scale it back though.
As you noticed I didn't examine the mindset of women...why? I'm not a woman. I have more than enough women readers...so you guys can weigh in in the comment section or on my facebook if you'd like....
I'm out.
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Now in no way do I represent the mass of "women" but from the outside looking in you would think I lived like a Cosby kid. My parents are still married all the kids grown. My mom was the opposite she grew up without her father so through, the cheating, verbal abuse, and bull shit....she stayed. Crying daily, seeing her self worth drop, and being with her the day she caught him with his bitch changed my view. I told myself I would never be her. I have been the nigga in the relationship allowing no one to actually get that 100%...maybe 45% is the most. Has my love life been succesful? FUCK NO. Do I wish to find that man that will be my "knight in shining armor" hell yeah but realisticly I would sabatoge it by bucking against his role he plays as a man in a relationship. Shit the nigga I know would remedy the issue is fuckin married and unhappy and in his 30's. So...I don't know how we change it but we gotta figure something out because as we come from different sides of the fence we are not making it with this american dream bullshit. We gotta make it our dream, and not just settle for the bs just because we wanna be loved
ReplyDeleteMa Steez,
ReplyDeleteAs usual well said..don't give up on love just because bt was and is an asshole. When How and Why you get into a relationship says a lot about you and the other person and will eventually determine the outcome.
Wise words from Ma Steez & QB...
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I can add anything of value to this debate, as I am 40 years old, the product of a 2 parent household, and also on the verge of divorce. I never really looked at the american dream as a goal...I wholly expected to die childless and alone. Hell, I didn't have my first kid til I was 30, and it was unplanned, and not with the person who it should have been with....still, I wanted to do the right thing...and I think I too fed into that whole not wanting to just be a baby daddy stigma. Ironic that, that's just what I'm becoming, wholly against my will, but also, unfortunately, for the better...of ALL of our sanities...LOL! It's unfortunate...as men and women, we are so quick to point the finger the other way...men are dogs, women ain't ish...back and forth...what will end it? I have no idea...but...what I will say is this...do not let anyone change who YOU are. Men and women...when you let that person change the good things about you because of bitterness or trying to protect yourself, you just doom yourself to continuing that cycle. Basically, the problem isn't those things, it's the choices in the people we select to share those things with. We aren't perfect...sometimes we make the wrong call...but as has been said many times...it's how you overcome those mistakes that's the measure of the man (or woman)...so take heart in better days ahead. You're young, bright, and have many things to look forward to.
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