His-story

What it look like folk?!?!?! Guess who? You damn right....its ya favorite square, Steez. And I'm back at yall with some more of these 925 Chronicles. In fact this is the first entry of the new year. I know a lot of yall missed me...some more than others. I'm not even gonna apologize about missing time...I'm just gonna make it up to yall with these chronicles. Before I get started, I would like yall to know....being that its a new year..I'm feeling revitalized...re energized...way more positive. I'm gonna try some different things with this blog...just to keep it crispy for yall and keep my readers on they toes...underdig? As always your input is always welcome...get at me if you have an idea on blog topics or anything like that...aiiight? But thats that....lets get on to these chronicles....shall we?!?!?!

As we sit here at the beginning of a new year...I find myself looking forward. Trying to move on to bigger and better things. But as always, as I'm sure it is with a lot of folk, the past has a way of rearing its head(sometimes that muthafucka isn't even ugly...other times its unsightly). I've always prided myself on not having a rear view as it pertains to life. Simply put, things in the past, stay there. But no matter how hard I try...some things, and people, keep resurfacing. So much so that I have to ask why. Is it fate? Prolly not. If it was, wouldn't fate have saw to it that I never let the person or thing go to begin with?

Something I've realized, in all of my inter personal relationships, I am typically the youngest person involved. I attribute my always looking forward to whats next to that. Its funny, when I talk to my committee...they be thinking back on old cartoons, clothing, music, toys etc. I am usually really quiet. Not because I haven't experienced these things...or because I am running from anything. But mainly, I don't really care about that kind of stuff. I fondly think about the past but rarely do I want to revisit it. That is no knock on those that do. But when I think about the past I always am reminded of a few things:
1. How much I fucked up in the past

which leads to

2. How fucked up my present is

which makes me think

3. how much I fear fucking up in the future

Now I know that not everyone thinks like this. If they did, there wouldn't be a Hub network.

Recently the past revisited me. And much like Ebeneezer Scrooge...it scared me almost to death...well, in reality it scared me to life. For the first time, looking my past in the face...I was able to look at my present...and embrace it. I guess there is a first time for everything huh.....Maybe I'll watch some Marshall Bravestarr before I go to bed....

I'm out.

Things Fall Apart

What it look like folk? Its ya boy Steez...your favorite square back with some more of these chronicles. The temperature here in the City of Brotherly Thugs...my bad..I mean Love, is dropping. No snow yet...good thing...I'm still sore from all the shoveling I did last winter. But I'm sure its coming. Whatever. But I'm gonna get right on to bidness...Shall we?!?!?!

I'm in a very contemplative mood right now. The past few days I've been thinking about marriage. Not just mine for once. But I have realized that a lot of young people have been getting married. Not just young people, but young black people especially. The majority of them have one thing in common. They are fucked up. For whatever reason I know a lot of people 30 and under that are either divorced, or on the urge of it. What the fuck is that about? I've asked a lot of people and the answer has pretty much been the same among all of them. But I still think I'm gonna dissect it a little more here. *This is for you Bosslady82...hope I can answer some questions that I couldn't yesterday*.

First I want to examine the mentality of young black men. This is the easiest since I am a young black man. I know a large factor of me deciding to get married was the fact that I grew up without a father. Now, my mother never outwardly trashed my father. But throughout life, my mother became the template for all virtues in women...so the antithesis of that(my father) had to be all the bad things that could be represented in a man. This may or may not have been true. But it was this mentality that made me decide early on that I wanted to be NOTHING like my father. So when the time came...I found a broad that I liked...she got pregnant...so to be the opposite of that which I taught myself to despise...I got married. As I sit here typing this, I am not living in the same house as my children, and my marriage is over in every way other than legally. I see that I made a terrible mistake based on a half truth. Granted, all accounts show that my father is and was an asshole...I can't help but think what my children will think about me...will they ever truly understand the circumstances that made me leave. Will they care? Only time will tell...

Next, I want to speak on the mentality of black youth. Day in and day out as a black person in America, you are constantly told what you can, can't, will, won't, should, or shouldn't do. And as evidenced in our rap music, saggy pants, and backwards hats, our response has always been a resounding "fuck you". Throughout the late 80's, the entire 90's, and early 2000's we have been told that we are little more than baby mamas and baby daddies. And in more extreme cases we are bucks and breeders. I think there is a subconscious desire to remove those stigmas. I can also attest to this. I looked at my situation as "different", even though it was very much the same. I was a young, undereducated, underprivledged, black male from a single parent home. Can you say "cyclical"?

Also, I'd like to examine the "fantasy". As black people we tend to romanticize a lot of things. I have noticed that a lot of our young people tend to be in love with the idea of being in love. I don't know if we have misunderstood the meaning of love. Or if we have listened to a few too many Mary J. Blige songs. But this shit has gotten really extreme. I would say that things need to scale it back though.

As you noticed I didn't examine the mindset of women...why? I'm not a woman. I have more than enough women readers...so you guys can weigh in in the comment section or on my facebook if you'd like....

I'm out.

Things I Was Taught or Believed(that weren't true)

What it look like folk? Long time no blog...I know I know...I really don't have an excuse either. Well unless you count not having shit to say as an excuse. But here I am. All of yall that have been waiting on a blog should thank The Committee...they came at my neck(pause...no homo) the other day in an extremely aggressive fashion...so here I am. Whats been good? Nothing much over here on the square side of things. Bitch Treachery has been kicked out of our home. I found that kinda funny. I may or may not blog about her in the coming days. Aside from that...I been chillin...So, lets get down to bidness...SHALL WE?!?!?!

So I was sitting here thinking about different things that I've learned throughout life. A lot of which were valid. Others were totally bullshit...and it is those that I will focus on here.

1. "Its not always about you". The fuck if it aint. If its not about me, who else could it possibly be about? I live MY life...based on MY experiences...drawing from MY emotions..MY thoughts...etc. I understand that we do have to take others into consideration from time to time...but ultimately we have to live with ourselves. Right...so it IS always about me...

2. "Human Nature"....that phrase is nonsensical in and of itself. If something is human i.e. drawing off of emotions, thoughts, and feelings...how can it be nature as well? Something admittedly devoid of those things? Human Nature is a very nice way of saying that someone did some bullshit. Check it "Hey why did Jim cheat on Sally"
"Dawg, she was out of town, he got mad horny...you know...its human nature" and the church said, Get the fuck outta here....

3. That Special Ed really had it made. Homie shot this entire video in a junk yard...I know it was the 80's and all...but damn

4. That I was Pro Black....Man I really bought into this shit once upon a time. As time went on, I realized I wasn't pro black, as much as I was anti dumb shit. Which further led me to see that I am not pro black...I'm Anti Nigger. Take that how you want.

5. The gap in my teeth is unattractive. Man...I hated this gap when I was a kid. I got called all kinds of names and such. I wanted braces and the whole 9. Now? I couldn't picture myself without it. And off the books...I think broads like it...*pops collar*

6. That I'm dark skinned. Now walk with me on this one. My mom, brother, aunt, and grandmother are all roughly the color of undercooked cornbread. I'm a burnt sienna brown...but next to them...I looked like Marcus Garvey(maybe thats why I was so pro black...ponders). I have since seen some black people that look like patent leather when they sweat. I mean some real, walking oil spill lookin muhfuckas. With that said...I am not dark skinned.

Well, there is my list for right now...feel free to share some of your own in my comments section...or on my facebook page....aiiight? I promise I won't keep yall waiting for a blog this long next time

I'm out

Still a Slave

What it look like folk...its ya favorite square Steez back with a special edition of these here chronicles. I'm in a pretty weird place right now so I'm not gonna bullshit in the intro...so lets get down to the blog...shall we?!?!?!

So I just ran to the corner store...also known as a papi store, bodega depending on where you are and how ignant you feel like being concerning the ethnicity of the of the owner. So as I'm cashing out and as I pass my item to the girl behind the bulletproof plexiglass, a young black kid(probably 12 or so) sitting on a stool near the door says to me "do you have a quarter". To which I replied "no". Now I felt kinda fucked up as the lady handed me my change back(none of which was a quarter...but still). No sooner as I feel like a prick, I'm walking past the kid out the door and he says in a voice loud enough for me to hear but low enough that I'm the ONLY person that hears it "its JUST a quarter". WHAT?!?! Little nigga if its JUST a quarter, why don't you have one? If its JUST a quarter, why don't you stand up in them fuckin Polo boots you got...walk yo ass back home and ask your mother or whatever nigga she's laying up with for a quarter.

Now, you are probably looking at the title wondering what this has to do with slavery. In a sense...nothing. But in another...everything. When you think about a slave you think of a person that has nothing that is at the mercy of the people that do. As black people in America we are pretty much the only people that are STILL feeling the effects of the slavery that our ancestors were subjected to. But the cool thing about that, is thats why we are what we are today. Through perseverance we are the creators of an oft misused term "HUSTLE". Granted, this isn't our language and the origins of that word have nothing to do with us. The living example damn sure does though. Coming from something that wretched is what made us so beautiful.

Adversity is something that usually brings out the best in our people. A nigga couldn't get a job, so he started "hacking" or "jitney-ing" fuck it...its a legal way to do what the establishment wouldn't let him. So taking it back to the young kid in the corner store. I think back to being a kid. Here in Philly its about to be winter. Go get you a shovel and make it do what it do. Until then...wash cars...pump gas...help people with their groceries. ANYTHING but begging for some shit. We are larger than that. As black people in America we have been socialized to be everything BUT successful. And while I'm sure that there were always black panhandlers...you look at shit like the Harlem Renaissance...Black Wallstreet in Tulsa Oklahoma...The Hill District in Pittsburgh PA(STEEL CITY STAND UP). You see that our minds and spirits are not easily broken. Fast forward to right now...we got Oprah, Tyler Perry, and of course our President Obama. All people that came from the same bullshit or worse than what we have now...that were told the couldn't do something...so they grabbed their nuts and did it anyway. THAT is our true spirit. Fuck it...as a here in America black people should know better than to ask for anything from anybody. You aint BEEN getting it...cause if you were, then you wouldn't be asking for it now. Feel me?

Well thats it for right now...I had to get that off my chest, so lemme go eat some chicken...lol...no seriously...I'm having chicken for dinner.

I'm out.

How Did We Get Here?!?!?!

What it look like folk? Long time no blog. I know, I know, a few of yall have gotten on my ass about how long it took for me to get a blog up. Hey, what can I say? Not much has been going on in my arena. Maintaining. Lets see, is there anything I would like to get into before I spit this pattened square shit? Nah....so lets get on with it...Shall we?!?!?!

"Supposed to be Earth, aint worth the pussy that you sit on"(c) Nas. This is one of my favorite Nas lines. And also one of the most tragic. See, this line did not come from the recesses of his imagination. Nor did it come from his creative soul. That shit came from the heart. As I'm sure you can imagine it was penned in regards to the mother of his first child(I can't wait to hear what he has to say about Kelis).

Black love is one of the most beautiful things you will ever witness. Niggas hating one another is one of the move vile and petty things to ever manifest. I guess as extreme people everything we do is the ultimate or pinnacle of that particular thought, action or emotion. But DAMN!!!!! Of all the black people I know that have children only one has a working relationship with the other parent. Aint that a bitch? And Dig...the other parent isn't black. Now, I know a plethora of niggas involved in "don't fuck with me I won't fuck with you" parenting. And even more that deal with the "what kid?" kind of relationship. The question is...how did we get here?

I would wager a paycheck that the majority of the aformentioned relationships where classic fairytales in their inception. I know mine was. Us against the world type shit. But as time and maturity wear on...so does reality. YOU aint the person for ME. And vice versa. Yet in most instances we travel on. Women looking for that knight in shining armor(or Captain Save A Hoe) and dudes looking for a bitch to save...or a bitch to take care of us. Next thing you know a kid is involved and we looking at each other like "What The Fuck do we Do now?"

In contrast to most blogs I write...I don't have a cute little anectdote or solution to what I have discussed. Just a fair warning. I took the road and drove until the proverbial wheels fell of. Now I'm just a nigga on the side of the road walking...hoping the next gas station is close by. There is no reason to take certain journeys because it seems like you should. No two trips are the same...but every crash is...underdig?

I'm out.

Lets Get a Few Things Clear

What it look like good folk? I know what yall thinkin....Damn...two blogs in one week? I know I know. I have been very irregular with hitting yall but I had some stuff to get off my pectorals. And who better to share it with than my blog fam? So with that said, I'm not gonna keep yall too long. Lets get to it....Shall we?

Now, as all of you guys(and gals) that read this know, this blog is extremely personal. I can't say I say EVERYTHING on these chronicles. But I definitely air it out. And with all personal things I'm sure you all have your feelings about the things I say...and the things that I speak about on here. You're entitled to that. Just as I am entitled to blog the things I do. BUT....thats where that shit needs to stop. My life is my life. And until any of you people want to come live my life for me, I think it behooves you to keep any and all judgements about my situation to yourself. That is not to say that I am not open to advice or consultation on the things that I do or the things that I am going through. I am only 28 years old and I know that I don't know it all.

Another thing, I know the majority of my readers are women. And this is gonna sound extremely fucked up...but hey...thats what yall come here for right? I really am not putting too much stock in what any of you think or feel about my situation. Why? Because you can't understand what it is like to be on this side of the equation. I'm sure that those of you that have baby daddies have your very own unique and just as bothersome issues. But do NOT get it confused...its not even the same. Those of you that I know personally have your children. And to my knowledge you did not have to go one day without them. Splendid. But, aside from that, I would wager that never once have you had to put your feelings for your child and separate those feelings from the actions that you know you HAVE to make for your and their betterment. I respect everyones opinions...and appreciate any and all concerns that anyone has voiced to me. With that said, I need yall to know that I got this. And those of you that know me personally I know that with all this shit I'm dealing with I may seem like a roller coaster going off its tracks...and I admit that sometimes I am. But if you aint finna help me get it back on track and all you can offer is criticism for me being the person I am...well either you with me or you in the way...underdig?

I'm out.

Pimpin the System

What it look like good folk? Its that square boy Steez back at yall with these here chronicles. I got a few shots of tequila in my stomach, watchin the Steelers(Pittsburgh in the house!!!!!!) losing against the Ravens right now. I got faith in the Steel City, we aint finna lose to no heroin addicted football team....are we? What else has been going on? Not much that I can think of...outside of what I'ma talk about in this blog? So lets get to it....shall we?

I'm all for pimpin the system. If "the man" is gonna give free shit, I'ma take it. He has taken enough from me...time for some get back, right? But I have to ask, if everything you get is free, can you complain about the shit you do or don't have? I say that because Bitch Treachery is on pretty much every form of public assistance you can imagine. Food Stamps? Check. Subsidy Check. I know for a fact the bitch has applied for SSI on the oldest two kids(they both have sickle cell) AND on top of that she has also applied for public housing. Thats right folk. The Projects. PJ's. 'Jects. This broad committed 5 years of her life to higher education...and is aspiring to live in a housing project. Well, I guess since the projects are cute little town homes now...and they aren't called "projects" they are "income contingent housing" it aint all that bad huh? LOL

So take all of that then compound it with the fact that, according to her, I am not fulfilling my financial end of the bargain as it pertains to taking care of the kids. And, to be fair, I'm probably not. Since I've left I haven't bought the kids anything. Well until yesterday. I bought my oldest daughter some school uniforms and my son some shoes. That is not enough considering that I've been there every day of their lives. But hey...thats what she said they needed.

I say that because I asked her what the kids need. The aformentioned clothing and shoes was her response. After I buy those items she tells me that I am "responsible for the care of the children. And a pair of shoes does not suffice". Get the fuck out of here. Seriously. This bitch hasn't bought uniform one for any of the kids until THIS year. SideNote: my oldest daughter is in the second grade. But my question is how can a person who contributes NOTHING to society can be picky about ANYTHING? Peep the flavor neighbor....in a roundabout way I am paying for your food, the kids schooling and before that I kept a roof over your funky ass head.

The irony is...she recieves all of this assistance be cause she lied. She stated that she wasn't married. Bing...$700 of food stamps. Bam...$5 copays for subsidize ecucation for our kids. But now that I've left...lol...she wants us to be married? Aint that a bitch? So now the broad is looking for a "Roop". At the same time realizing she needs "the man" to care for her kids. So when its all said and done...she comes running to me...and as fucked up as it seems...I can't help her. Because she makes NO money...instead of me buying the kids what they need...she wants me to put money in her hand. No dice. I can't do it.

So for all you chicks pimping the system...remember a pimp usually has several hoes. Several sources of income. If "the man" is all you have...then you might as well throw in the towel...because you lost at life. Step your hustle game up and stop begging for shit...feel me?

I'm out.