When people find out that I'm married and my age(26) and how long I've been married, well, let's just say the reactions are funny. The one I get the most is a question. "How did you know you were ready to be married?" Back then I said some stupid shit like "I just knew" or " that's who I wanted to be with forever". In hindsight all that is bullshit. I DIDN'T know I was ready to be married, because I WASN'T ready to be married.
Now when I say that it has nothing to do with my feelings for my wife. But more to do with my mindset. I wasn't ready for what being married required. The concept of marriage was foreign to me. Probably as foreign as it is to a lot of you reading this. Growing up I can count on one hand the number of married couples I was around. And on 1 finger how many were good marriages. So what the fuck could I possibly know about being a husband? All I knew was I loved this girl, she was having my baby, and I wanted a family. Outside of that? I was clueless. So was she.
Honestly I think that applies to everyone on some level. We get married with our hearts, not our minds. Which is fine. But in my case, that shit created conflict. See, we got married young and against the wishes of our families(though mine was more vocal than hers). This breeded an us against the world mentality. Which I loved. If they ain't like it? Fuck 'em. That's how I felt. And that's how I THOUGHT she felt. Or maybe just how I wanted her to feel. Long story short I don't like my wifes mom. She doesn't like me either, but is more willing to pretend(I may talk about that another time). But when I moved to philly we stayed with her mom until we got on our feet. Dumb fuckin move on my part, I know. One I would never repeat even if it meant us not being married. It created a situation that exists, and plagues our marriage to this day.
Marriage is a beautiful thing when done right, and a bane when its not. Communication is the cornerstone. SAY WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN! If you feel like shit ain't right, say that. You aren't dating anymore and most likely have a lot more to lose than when you were just dating. All that "you should know what's wrong" miss me with that bullshit. Now also there is the component of non verbal communication. Sometimes conversation ain't neccessary. When you're married you have to know how to decipher that. Again this shit will lead to conflict, at least it did with me.
One thing that experts will say is important is honesty. I say bullshit. Why? Because 9 times out of 10 its a lie that got you married in the first place. Real rap....myself included. Like if you fakin like all you wanna do is cook dinner and fuck like Cherokee, then either come clean before the nigga marries you...or get good at bakin cakes and takin backshots. If you're lying then KEEP lying. It doesn't mean the love isn't real. See me? I was just too cool for school. I never got mad at anything. In fact whilwe we were dating my wife hated that I was so "indifferent". Now that we are married I flip out on some crazy shit at least twice a month. That's my fault though. She married the lie. I doubt she would have married me had she known I was so volatile. But that's the game we play right?
Lastly I'm gonna touch on momogamy. Please discuss this shit and what it means to YOU(not the movies or magazines) before you get hitched. Also let it be known what you need physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you don't how can you complain if you don't get it? I got caught out there myself a couple years ago. More on an emotional tip than physical. But you think that mattered to Butterbear? Smell me?
Aiiight there you have it folks a lil drop about how I view this insitution of marriage. I will be back later on...doin some high grade square shit payin homage to the woman I love. If you like that kind of stuff come back and embrace the square in you. If not? Fuck outta here!!!!!
I'm out
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